WAFFily Ever After
by minatomachi
Summary: Sequel to my previous fic "It Is Not That I Hated You". SuohxNokoru CSD CCD Clamp School Detectives
1. Musings

This is the sequel to _It is Not that I Hated You_ (chronologically, it takes place before the epilogue). I chose to make them separate fics since they differ in setting, mood and intrigue.

After a fic mainly from Suoh's point of view, here is one mainly from Nokoru's.

It is very Suoh-and-Nokoru centered, with almost no Akira or other characters. Hopefully you won't get tired of the sap. (I don't.)

**Chapter 1 - Musings**

Nokoru wasn't dumb. He was even a genius, after all.

It took him all of two days to understand that his sudden urge to sleep with Suoh in his arms meant he was in love with him.

And quite frankly, if he hadn't been busy assuring Suoh's immediate well-being with his mother's complicity the morning after Suoh slept at his place, then planning an impromptu one-year-long trip to Belgium, he'd have figured it out much sooner.

Nokoru thus abruptly discovered he was gay, and couldn't say it shocked him overmuch.

So he would never marry. He would never have children. He would forever have a good part of society mock him and spurn him.

He didn't care.

All he wanted was Suoh.

But of course, that didn't mean he _would_ have Suoh. That depended on the other boy.

And Nokoru discovered finding out whether Suoh loved him was more difficult than solving any of his previous detective cases.

First, there was the bond that made Suoh his protector. Suoh had as good as admitted it emotionally linked him to Nokoru in a very strong way. So it could easily be mistaken for love.

And Suoh _liked_ him, bond or no. Of that, Nokoru was one hundred per cent sure. Friendship carried affection, like love, so there was a possibility of getting confused there, too.

Of course, Nokoru could declare. Usually, declaring was a good, if scary, way of getting at the truth, after all. But not in this case.

What if Nokoru declared his love and Suoh didn't feel the same way? The generous blue-haired teen, with his spirit of sacrifice and devotion, might pretend to love back in order to make Nokoru happy. Which absolutely wouldn't do.

Even if Suoh didn't do that, Nokoru being attracted to him might frighten him. Some Takamuras were abused by their One, after all, and Suoh's mind was messed up with fear quite enough as it was.

And even if Suoh had sense enough not to pretend to love back and not to feel fear in front of a non-existent threat, he would surely be embarrassed. It was bad enough when people were afraid of losing a friend by making a declaration. Nokoru and Suoh couldn't lose each other, because of the bond, which Nokoru privately felt as a relief; but Suoh might understandably cringe at being stuck forever with someone who loved him when he couldn't love back.

So Nokoru would imperatively have to make sure, or at least have a good hunch, of Suoh's feelings towards him before he showed any interest himself.

Drat. With a reserved person like Suoh, that could take _ages_. Nokoru definitely wasn't the type to wait ages. Time not spent kissing Suoh was time wasted.

But Nokoru didn't have a brain for nothing. He'd find a way to get at the truth. Or, more probably, a dozen or so.

Which would all probably involve teasing Suoh mad.

Nokoru grinned.

But was Suoh gay to begin with? He wondered. Part of the problem depended on that, too. Most people were not, so that didn't put statistics on his side.

Did Suoh _look_ gay?

Nokoru honestly had no idea. He'd just only realized he himself was gay, after all, so he wasn't a very good judge. Suoh sure wasn't interested in clothes and fancy things like that. And he was strong and quite manly, if on the slender side.

Nokoru blushed and fanned himself. Oh, what had made him understand he loved Suoh was his ardent wish to comfort him, to make him happy, to have him always by his side, to laugh and cry with him. He even wanted to grow old with him. But hormones were coming into it, now. Suoh was simply gorgeous. How come he had never caught on to that? He'd been slower than the fangirls. Nokoru couldn't think of anything more beautiful, now he reflected on it. And the thought of Suoh kissing him rapturously, of his hands caressing his whole body, made his head spin and his body react very uncomfortably.

But all that would have to be quenched for a while, he told himself firmly, even if they did go out together. They were still very young. Suoh was barely fourteen, and for the moment, psychologically fragile. Nokoru was aware that teens didn't know how to control their hormones properly and often went too far before they were ready. He didn't even know exactly how relations between two boys were supposed to work. Better leave that for later. Exchanging kisses with Suoh and dragging him on crazy dates would be enough for a long while. More than enough. Nokoru felt like what he wanted most in the world was hug Suoh all day long. He hadn't realized he felt lonely and yearned for a soulmate. And if he was lonely, surrounded with affection as he was, then how must Suoh feel, when the Takamuras were failing to see what a wonderful person he was?

Nokoru sighed. He wanted to hug Suoh right now. And maybe kiss the tip of his nose.


	2. Bliss

Chapter 2 - Bliss

They did leave for Belgium very soon, accompanied by a single bodyguard named Ogawa, who had also been chosen to play the role of adult-in-charge, since Nokoru and Suoh were still teens. Ogawa was discreet and silent, which Nokoru appreciated, for it gave him the impression of being alone with Suoh. Besides, Suoh trusted Ogawa, for he had been recommended by the Takamuras, and who could be better judges of his competency? The knowledge that someone besides him was watching over Nokoru allowed Suoh to relax instead of being on guard all the time. So Nokoru made sure to be always especially polite and considerate to Ogawa: escorting two teens he didn't know to Belgium for a whole year couldn't be so very pleasant, after all.

But apart from that, he completely forgot about the grown-up following them and delighted in the trip, and in Suoh.

Nokoru still had no clue whether his friend would ever love him or not, but being with Suoh was bliss all the same. He reflected he wasn't a very typical angsty enamoured teen. He felt happy all round. Maybe the knowledge of the bond prevented him from the fear of Suoh just drifting apart from him. If that was truly the cause, then he was lucky indeed. He couldn't have borne the thought of losing Suoh altogether; not talking to him during their quarrel had been so disagreeable.

Nokoru felt in his element in Belgium. The weather was rainy at first with the last of winter, so they spent their time visiting schools, touring museums and attending concerts. On the evenings, they read _Tintin_ and _Yoko Tsuno_, marvelling at their authors' imagination and skill, or watched the gripping Japanese live-action series _Glass Mask_, on VHS one of Nokoru's older brothers had sent them. Suoh used to roll his eyes at the over-the-top-romance, while Nokoru sniffled in his handkerchief at the over-the-top drama, but both were captivated.

Soon the first flowers of spring bloomed and Nokoru rejoiced in daffodils and apple blossoms. The sight of Suoh coming into their little flat one evening, carrying a huge bunch of fragrant white lilac that half hid his face, was something Nokoru would not forget soon (the effect reminded him distractingly of a bride, though he chided himself for comparing his friend to such a feminine image, then went on to think Suoh looked more lovely and natural in his plain T-shirt and shorts, with that disproportionate bouquet, than any fussing, dressed-to-the-nines actual bride). They had filled a chipped glass with some of the lilac and placed it on the center of the dingy table, feeling richer in the two-room university residence that had been graciously offered them for their stay than they would have in the most stately mansion. That little flat was home and felt like home.

Then they'd put more lilac in their room, some in the bathroom, and given the rest to Ogawa. Ogawa had his quarters in the adjacent residence, which made his presence near enough and far enough. With these thin walls, he'd hear a struggle immediately. And an unlocked door had been built in the adjoining wall, allowing him access.

But the time Suoh went to fetch the flowers to surprise Nokoru was one of the rare occasions they were not together. Suoh was wary of kidnappers, so even with Ogawa around, he usually followed Nokoru as persistently as a shadow.

It was a good test of their affinities: most people would have got tired of each other very quickly. But they didn't. From Nokoru's point of view, they were never together enough. Even when he dared put an arm around his friend's shoulder (which didn't arise Suoh's suspicions since Nokoru had always been a touchy-feely type), he didn't feel near enough to him. He guessed it wouldn't have made that much of a difference had they hugged or even kissed, and began to understand love-making wasn't only a question of hormones: it was also that lovers kept trying to get near enough to the point they almost merged together.

Of course, even with the joys of travelling abroad and living by themselves for the first time, the boys missed Japan sometimes. Nokoru thought of his mother, of cherry blossoms, of the school mascot, of the hustle and bustle of his own campus. Suoh confided to him that he longed for the jewel-green color and bitter taste of matcha, for tatamis and low tables, and for traditional Japanese clothing. (Nokoru's thought was that a hakama did suit Suoh excessively well.)

And of course, both of them missed Akira. They sent him letters, candies and souvenirs so often the postmaster knew them well by now. And their friend sent back home-made treats and welcome news of the campus, on cute stationary adorned with trains or violins. Bless Akira.

Only one thing truly pained Nokoru: Suoh needed this vacation more than he'd thought.

Suoh was fluent in ancient Japanese, English and Dutch, and since he was so good at literature, he could be considered nearly as brilliant as Nokoru where languages were concerned. So they had both thought he'd learn French fast enough. But although Nokoru soon gibbered in rapid, if clumsy, French with the pretty waitresses in cafés, Suoh only grasped the most elementary basics.

It wasn't a lack of affinity for French or a dislike for it: Suoh found the language elegant and delicate (especially flowing from Nokoru's mouth). And he liked the sound of Flemish even better.

What they both came to understand was that Suoh's mind was simply too tired to learn anything new. What little he did learn came through a severe strain, and Nokoru finally asked him to stop attempting it.

\- You're here to rest, Suoh," he scolded his friend gently. "Not to tire yourself with grammar. French was plainly invented with the sole purpose of driving students crazy, anyway."

\- But it is annoying," Suoh frowned. "What if something happened to you, and I needed to communicate?"

\- You'd speak English. Or Dutch," he teased. "Maybe there would be a Dutch tourist around. But quite frankly, Suoh, English is not an international language for nothing. And Brussels is hardly some out-of-the-way village. Besides, Ogawa speaks some basic French. He could help out if any of the far-fetched scenarios I know are building in your mind ever came true."

Suoh pouted, which made Nokoru laugh. _He_ was usually the one pouting. But he became serious when Suoh's pout dissolved into a worried look.

\- But I do not train, either," the blue-haired boy finally let out in a low voice. "You know that. I tried to, but I cannot do it. And what you may not be in a position to understand is that physical condition needs training to be kept up. Muscles go flaccid, reflexes numb, precision goes off. It is like a ballet dancer stopping to dance for two weeks: the whole audience can see the difference. Here, the difference could be your life, Senpai."

Nokoru had got Suoh to stop calling him "Kaichô" since they were not Council members any more (Akira would step up as president for a year and two students would assist him; anyway, Nokoru had finished middle school and would belong by right to high school when he got back) (1). It had taken a struggle to get Suoh to lower from "Kaichô" to "Imonoyama-senpai" and to "Nokoru-senpai", but then it had veered to just "senpai" instead of just "Nokoru", and had stuck there. Nokoru arguing they weren't even students at present had been to no avail. Suoh was stubborn, and Nokoru loved even that.

\- Suoh," Nokoru said sternly, "You _cannot_ do it. It's not that you're being lazy, it's only that you're showing some sense by listening to your needs and resting. Anyway, you are still stretching regularly, and we walk around a lot."

Seeing Suoh stretch was eye-candy. He sure was supple enough to compare with a ballet dancer. Heck, he could work in a circus if he wanted to.

Nokoru stamped on naughty thoughts and went on:

\- If you override your bodily and mental exhaustion, you'll permanently damage yourself, and then you might become unable to protect me for good. _After_ you get well, you can train for the Olympics and learn Esperanto for all I care. For now, your duty is to have _fun_. Lucky you.

Suoh chuckled at last:

\- So if I am having fun out of duty, what is your excuse for goofing off, pray?

\- Mine? But I am absolutely, totally exhausted with the tedious, cruel paperwork you continuously piled on me since I was the tender age of eight. I deserve a break, don't I?

\- Really? And here I thought you were spending all that time elevating the simple action of taking a break to the status of art, Kaichô, I mean, Senpai. Surely nobody has ever taken breaks so frequently or with so much relish as you have.

Nokoru stuck out his tongue at him, amused. Then he buried his face in puffs of lilac (purple this time, and bought together at the market) and inhaled deeply. Oh, life smelled good.

(1) I can't help thinking Akira is too naïve to be the one in charge of taking decisions…


	3. Rest

I hope you don't mind that nothing much happens. I just enjoy showing Suoh's and Nokoru's life together…

Chapter 3 - Rest

Suoh slept both long and deeply, which he admitted was unusual for him. Birds or sunlight often woke Nokoru up without disturbing his friend. Whenever Nokoru looked at the boy on the bed next to his, sleeping with such intensity, he felt like sleep was running a race to repair as much of Suoh as it could, every night.

But once he was up, Suoh was awake enough, while Nokoru had to eat breakfast before he could stop walking around with bleary eyes and talking like he had molasses in his mouth.

So it surprised Nokoru when one morning, at nine, Suoh rose and went groggily to the restroom, only to slump back on his bed afterwards.

\- Still sleepy?" He asked, a bit wonderingly.

Suoh blinked and seemed to ponder the question.

\- I think I might be feverish," was the answer.

Nokoru jumped to his feet to press his hand against his friend's brow, but he couldn't tell. It wasn't burning hot, at least. So he opened their VERY well furnished medical kit (Suoh and Akira had put it together, after all) to get the thermometer.

Suoh did have fever, but it was low, Nokoru saw with relief.

\- You have a bit of fever. Does it hurt anywhere? Does your nose or throat feel funny?

Suoh shook his head.

\- But my mind is foggy.

\- Maybe it's an effect of tiredness, or you could be catching something. Anyway, stay in bed. I'll get you an Advil and a glass of water.

Over the next few days Suoh's fever went up and his head often ached, but fortunately, other cold symptoms kept at bay. Nokoru knew having a nose dripping all over the place made most colds particularly miserable, adding insult to injury.

At first Suoh would not let Nokoru take care of him, afraid he'd catch whatever virus he might have. Suoh maintained reasonably enough that colds needed nothing but time and rest to heal. But Nokoru promised to be careful and wash hands properly, and in the end Suoh stopped arguing.

So Nokoru took on the role of nurse.

Nokoru supposed he'd soon get bored nursing anyone else, though he'd probably do it as dutifully as he could. But his beloved Suoh? He was only too happy for this excuse to coddle him.

Not that he overdid it in an extravagant way. That would have annoyed his friend. But he could bring him food and drinks to bed, keep a supply of icepacks cold, and get their clothes and dishes washed. Accompanied by Ogawa, he went to the stores to get provisions, buying lots of soups and juices. He did let the dust pile up a bit: Nokoru was no domestic goddess where cleaning was concerned, and he needed goading in order to dust and mop just as he needed it for paperwork.

Nokoru being vegan, they had not eaten out that often, so they had inevitably learned some basics of cooking in the first weeks of their stay. Initially Nokoru had feared Suoh might not be well enough to learn to cook along with him, but that had not been the case, maybe because cooking was unlike anything Suoh had done before, something unrelated to the pressures of his previous life.

They had had fun. Nokoru had of course been tempted at first to attempt spectacular meals, which, considering his inexperience, had ended in spectacular failures, so he'd had to turn around and aim for much humbler goals. Which had got him a smug look from Suoh, who had been reasonable from the start. But Nokoru forgave him readily, for Suoh had munched through his trials good-humouredly, honestly not minding that the food was vegan, and never uttering a complaint however burnt, salty, bitter or just plain weird the failed batches turned out to be. (Nokoru himself had shown no such restraint, whining distressfully. How could potatoes manage to be burnt and raw _at the same time_?)

Anyway, knowing how to prepare simple things like stir-fries, soups, stews and salads meant he could cook rice gruel with scallions, which he soon discovered to be Suoh's favourite comfort food, though the boy never said as much. It was warm, it was soft, it was Japanese. It was what sick people were traditionally fed. It had Suoh sink back contentedly into his pillows, licking the spoon, unconsciously cute.

He enjoyed the creamy tomato soup Nokoru made, too, and icy-cold pineapple juice. But like all people with fever, he never could eat much, and most solid foods he couldn't swallow more than one or two bites of (although they weren't failures anymore).

Often, mostly in the mornings, Suoh was well enough to sit up. He read a little or watched TV, or they chatted. But by noon the fever was up. As the afternoon progressed, Suoh couldn't concentrate on anything, sounds and light made his head ache, and he had no appetite. He just lay down, half bored, half tormented by the heat in his head, his mind drifting unpleasantly.

Early on, Nokoru took the habit of holding Suoh's hand whenever he was feeling worse, often silently reading a book at the same time. Suoh did protest afterwards, when the fever had somewhat abated, that Nokoru should leave the flat with Ogawa to do something fun instead of remaining cooped up inside with him. But since Nokoru sneaked kindness on him when he was in too bad a shape to object, Nokoru had the upper hand.

It was touching, to be there sitting on Suoh's bed holding the dry, hot hand in his own, and seeing the slight relaxation the gesture brought to Suoh's face, as it lay on the pillow with eyes closed. It was nice to sometimes caress the blue head, to pat one thin shoulder comfortingly, the way a mother would have done it. It was nice to plump up the pillows and smooth the sheets after Suoh's fitful tossing had crumpled them.

He knew Suoh, of late years, had never been petted when sick. A Takamura could not let his charge die because of reflexes numbed by fever; so Takamuras had to train whether they felt well or not. Of course, they were given medication, kept warm, fed, excused from school; but they still had to be quick enough to evade knives, and strong enough to knock a door down in one blow.

As he thought of this one evening, holding Suoh's limp hand tightly in his own, Nokoru faced clearly, for the first time, the truth that Ogawa was at present the only barrier between himself and kidnappers.

Almost always, there had been more than that. Either he'd been inside the tightly secured campus; or a healthy, energetic Suoh had been by his side; or he'd been accompanied by at least two adult, strong bodyguards.

He was forced to see Suoh wasn't up to fighting now, in fact hadn't been even before he got sick. It wasn't that Suoh had changed much since the preceding year: he remained the same kind, loyal, witty, serious, prudent, organized, bossy, teasing friend he'd had for years. All of this made up Suoh's true personality, undefined by his aptitudes as a Takamura; but those aptitudes were certainly gone at present, as if Suoh's process of getting back to his former self had to begin with involuntarily shedding, for a time, everything he had ever developed through his training, from his sleeping habits and keen intellect to his physical strength.

Nokoru hoped kidnappers would keep away. They had had no trouble up to now, and Suoh's cold was already getting better, with the higher bouts of fever becoming rarer and shorter, and the headaches receding. But an increasing number of people must have at last found out where they were living. Hopefully, all scheming minds would believe Suoh to be still in top shape. Not that he didn't trust Ogawa, but one man might well find himself overpowered, and he knew that Suoh would never forgive himself if anything happened while his guard was lowered.


	4. How to Find Out

Chapter 4 - How to Find Out Whether Your Best Friend is Gay or Not

As soon as Suoh's cold was gone, Nokoru turned into an irrepressible imp. He'd behaved angelically for days, after all, and needed to let off some steam.

Suoh was teased, Suoh was dragged sightseeing all over town, Suoh was mock-flirted with in the bus (where everyone looked at them askance or with avid curiosity), Suoh was made to try on extravagant clothes in shops, Suoh was involved in mad cooking projects (when would they finish eating all that _pièce montée_?), Suoh was brought on trips to the countryside on a half-hour's notice, Suoh was cleverly evaded whenever he attempted to make Nokoru do some cleaning, Suoh was taken to the movies to watch _Winnie-the-Pooh _surrounded by five-year-olds, Suoh was needed to keep Nokoru from breaking his neck climbing trees, Suoh was requested to help build sand castles on the beach, and Suoh was photographed asleep with mussed hair and drool running from his mouth (Nokoru regretted that one: now Suoh slept with his head facing the wall, and he couldn't gaze fondly at his face anymore).

Suoh could barely keep up.

But as they feasted on cotton candy at a fair (Nokoru had finally caught on to Suoh liking sweets), rode on a Ferris wheel, rowed on a lake, watched birds or walked on the beach, splashing their feet in cold water, Nokoru knew Suoh was enjoying himself all the same.

All that was very well, but it still remained to be known whether Suoh loved Nokoru or not. After living together for weeks, the blonde boy wasn't nearer the truth. What was clear was that they were awfully fond of each other. But was it love or a more brotherly affection on Suoh's part?

It was time to find out.

Nokoru decided to start by investigating whether Suoh was gay or not.

And in order to drive Suoh nuts in the process, he chose the bluntest way of getting at the truth: asking straight out.

While Suoh didn't expect it and was peacefully drinking tea after supper, of course.

\- Suoh, are you attracted to women or men?" Nokoru started conversationally.

Suoh sputtered, choked on his tea and started coughing, blushing bright red all the while. Predictably.

\- Or maybe both?" Nokoru went on, repressing his furious wish to laugh.

Suoh coughed on and blushed on, shooting a stern look at Nokoru, who couldn't hold it any longer and went into fits of laughter.

\- Senpai!" Suoh protested when he found back his voice. "Please do not tease!"

\- I'm serious," Nokoru countered, giggling.

\- Yes, you look the picture of seriousness. I am going to bed.

Suoh got up, half sulking.

\- What, did the discussion turn you on?" Nokoru couldn't help asking with more giggles.

Suoh turned back his head and GLARED. Then he stomped away to the bedroom, and the door closed with a small slam.

Nokoru heard a few more dry, raspy coughs, and half regretted his mischief. It had been hilarious, but in hindsight perhaps a bit cruel. And he hadn't learned a thing after all, except that the subject embarrassed Suoh. And Suoh was so proper it didn't mean anything.

After a few moments' reflection, he knocked on the bedroom door and went in.

Suoh was sitting on his bed.

\- I apologize," Nokoru said, smiling amiably. "Are you mad?"

\- No", Suoh replied in a sour voice without looking at him, arms crossed on his breast like an angry kid.

Nokoru pushed back very hard the giggle he found rising in his throat.

He sat on the bed next to his friend and tried to hold him in a hug, but the boy's torso was all stiff in his arms.

Suoh coughed again.

Nokoru patted his back. He felt bad, so why did he still want to laugh so much? He mustn't laugh any more, or Suoh would be mad for good.

A giggle escaped him, and he clamped his hand on his mouth. Alarmed, he glanced at his friend's face.

But one corner of Suoh's mouth was twitching.

\- Oh, do you like to laugh, Senpai?" he asked innocently.

A second later, he had pounced on Nokoru, tickling him gently but most effectively, while Nokoru laughed helplessly, gasping for air, but feeling deliriously happy.

In the end Suoh took pity on him and let him catch his breath.

\- OK," Nokoru said breathlessly, still half-lying on the bed, taking in big gulps of air and smiling broadly. "I won't be nosy again."

\- I am gay," Suoh said then, absently running the coverlet's edge around his fingers. "Do you mind?"

Mind? Nokoru was in seventh heaven. And here was poor Suoh fearing judgement on his part, probably all tense under his careless manner.

\- I don't," He answered honestly. "I like you every bit the same as yesterday. Maybe a little more, now you've made me laugh to tears."

He smiled at Suoh.

And Suoh smiled back, relieved.


	5. Many Words About Nothing

Chapter 5 - Many Words About Nothing

Nokoru was aware that Suoh being gay didn't mean he would be attracted to _him_. Maybe the boy liked brooding, muscly men. A far cry from himself. In a flash, he imagined Suoh in the arms of some Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome, and stamped on his thoughts _very quickly_. He was becoming good at that. Though he still needed to fan his face.

All the same, Nokoru was getting so touchy-feely, their growing affection was so evident, they basically lived so much like an old couple, and the question he had asked had come so out of nowhere, that Suoh had to suspect something, he reasoned. His friend wasn't dumb.

But Nokoru hadn't admitted he was gay, too. Partly out of cowardice, but mostly because he felt they had gone far enough for now. Broaching the subject would soon lead to making his own feelings crystal-clear, and he didn't want that. He wouldn't risk scaring Suoh.

Then again, only a dumb person would not think Nokoru gay. He could see that now.

Yes, but maybe Suoh couldn't see it, yet. They were so young, and though they knew a lot about things like maths and languages they hadn't had time to learn so much about life. The proof of this was Akira, who was certainly not stupid, but childish enough for Nokoru to wonder whether he'd identify men as gay if he saw them kissing.

Nokoru giggled, imagining Akira asking why those men were doing mouth-to-mouth when they were both conscious. Poor Akira, Nokoru was probably slighting him. The boy wasn't nine any more.

So, what came next? Nokoru couldn't ask any more awkward questions, not only because he wished to avoid arousing Suoh's suspicions, but also because Suoh had been frank when he didn't have too, and Nokoru felt thankful for it. He had no right to press the matter further.

Well, he'd have to leave matters be for a while. What a shame.

So life went on, if vacation could be called life.

After his whirlwind period following Suoh's cure from his cold, Nokoru quieted down a little. He even went so far as to do his share of cleaning uncomplainingly to make up for having pestered Suoh for weeks. They spent some time quietly at home or loafing in parks. It was summer, too hot to stir much. And the right season for eating ice candy, which recalled bittersweet memories: becoming Suoh's friend, that had been sweet, having Casabianca menace Suoh, that had been bitter. Nokoru reflected Suoh had saved him, back then, from saving Suoh at cost of his own liberty. What a mix-up. Was every couple like this, with lives as entangled as their own were? And they weren't even a couple. Yet. Hopefully that "yet" belonged there.

\- Suoh, there's an acrobatic circus show tomorrow night, would you like to go?" Nokoru asked one evening while the other boy was sewing a button back on a shirt.

\- Okay," Suoh agreed readily.

Nokoru sat besides him, crossing his legs. Although the room was furnished with chairs, Suoh often sat on the floor by force of habit, having been raised in a traditional Japanese home. Nokoru liked it. The table loomed next to them, giving him the comfortable sensation of being a small child again.

\- You sure? You know we can do some things _you_ like to do, too. I'm not the only one who has a right to decide, Suoh, even though I act like I own the world sometimes.

\- You basically own Japan's economy, or your family does," Suoh retorted, his eyes still on his work. "I don't mind the circus."

Gosh, Suoh was annoying sometimes. If Nokoru only did things that he didn't mind doing, he'd become _so_ bored. He chose another tack.

\- What kind of things do you like most?

Of course that was very transparent, and Suoh rolled his eyes at him.

\- Hmm, let me see. Not being flirted with in public?

Once again Nokoru couldn't help himself. He smiled angelically:

\- You mean you wouldn't mind it if we were alone?

Right on cue, Suoh blushed.

Nokoru took his head in his hands. That blush made him happy since it might mean something. Or not. But now was not the time to torment Suoh, he reminded himself firmly. What he was doing right now was try to find what Suoh actually felt like doing.

He sighed.

\- Would you please just answer the question seriously?

Suoh taunted him:

\- You did not treat my previous answer seriously, so why would I answer seriously?

\- Why would I have reacted seriously to an answer that was not serious?

Now Nokoru was mixed up. He couldn't believe the silliness of their conversation.

Suoh chuckled, happy to have his turn at driving the other one mad.

\- What I like is being with you," he answered honestly, but went on, "_when_ you don't flirt, whether in the bus, in the park, in the flat OR in your dreams."

Nokoru winced.

\- Is that supposed to be a serious answer?" he asked.

\- Is it, I wonder?

Nokoru sighed again. It seemed intelligent, purposeful, straight-to-the-point conversation wasn't going to happen this evening. He couldn't even tell if they were actually almost flirting right now or just making his brain go round in circles.

\- Aren't you supposed to be always saying the truth?" he pondered.

By Suoh's face, he immediately realized he'd said the wrong thing. Suoh was scrupulously honest, and his two main lies, concerning his pretended epilepsy and dislike for sweet things, had been pressed on him by unfortunate circumstances or his controlling family. Touchy subject.

\- I am sure a boy with your intellect can tell the difference between a joke and a lie, Senpai," Suoh answered a little shortly.

For a moment Nokoru didn't know what to say. He hoped their relationship, if it ever existed, wasn't going to be one in which he always ended up hurting Suoh's feelings.

Seeing him look depressed, Suoh smiled.

\- Sorry, Senpai. I did not mean to snap back.

He kissed Nokoru on the cheek, making him blush. Then he smirked.

\- Your turn to be embarrassed, Senpai.

\- What kind of person takes his revenge just after saying "sorry"?" Nokoru asked, pouting.

\- You want me to apologize for my revenge with another kiss, then?

Nokoru reddened again. Really, their conversation was bewitched tonight. And _was_ Suoh flirting, or was that just wishful thinking? In irritation, he sprawled back on the floor, staring at the peeling paint on the ceiling.

Suoh lay down next to him, as if they were stargazing instead of avoiding the lightbulbs' glare. Then he took Nokoru's hand in his.

Nokoru sighed again, but in contentment this time. If Suoh was becoming more touchy-feely, he didn't mind if he got better at teasing back, too.


	6. Delight

My inspiration for this is _Kaleido Star_, a series with only average storyline and characters, but a delight for the eyes.

Chapter 6 - Delight

They went to the circus. Nokoru loved circuses, when they didn't use animals. He enjoyed the animation, the brilliant colors, the music.

The clowns were funny, but not half as funny as arguing with Suoh.

The acrobats were great. Both boys gazed, transfixed, as human beings clad in alluring costumes jumped incredible heights from trampolines, flew across the scene on trapezes, or juggled with fire.

But wait, Nokoru reflected in the middle of the trapeze number, he could understandably be impressed, being such a klutz himself, but why would Suoh? Nokoru bet Suoh would be able to do most of that, when in top shape at least. He shot a sidelong glance at his friend.

The look in Suoh's eyes wasn't one of incredulous admiration such as was worn by most of the crowd.

It was a look of enchantment and longing.

Suoh wished to try that.

And Nokoru decided on the spot he would make that possible.

Money and connections could do great things, especially when paired with a charming smile.

At first, of course, the manager didn't want to hear about engaging someone who had never had circus training. But finally he agreed to test Suoh on the trampoline.

Suoh, who could leap incredible heights _without_ a trampoline.

Suoh, who knew all about somersaults and backflips.

Suoh, who was trained to land perfectly on any surface.

The manager's mouth dropped, and he agreed to let Suoh try the trapeze.

Suoh did that slightly more clumsily, nonetheless the manager was impressed.

\- Most newbies don't realize they need momentum to get the trapeze to balance," The man explained to Nokoru. "They just jump down holding the bar in their hands and are surprised at discovering the trapeze doesn't go up again. That one understood that mistake before he could make it. And he reached the other trapeze perfectly. There would only be some polishing to do to the form of his movements to make them more aesthetic, and he'd be as good as our artists!"

Suoh was invited as guest in the troop. And very soon, he became so good that he was offered the major trapeze role in the show. He wouldn't be paid for it since he was a beginner, but his lessons would be free.

Nokoru, seeing with satisfaction that Suoh was having lots of fun at learning circus techniques, wouldn't hear of him refusing the contract.

Suoh tried to protest:

\- That will mean serious daily training, meaning I cannot be near you to protect you during that time!

\- Ogawa and I will remain in the circus school while you train, so we'll be nearby. I'll use this as an occasion to study an art school, and learn what can be useful to Clamp School art divisions. The rest of the time I'll read or something. Anyway, weren't you worried you weren't training anymore? And now you're juggling, evading fire, doing acrobatics, playing with diabolos, jumping on trampolines, and leaping around on the trapeze!

\- But I can do those things only because they give me the impression of creating something beautiful. Because they have nothing to do with fighting, with inflicting injuries on people.

\- Yes, but the same skills are used! You're still getting back into shape and honing your capacities. Listen, it's like when I stamp paperwork pretending to be at the beach, isn't it? There's nothing wrong with having fun while still achieving something. In fact, the problem with your bodyguard training might well be that you stopped finding it any fun, whereas you liked it before.

They both stopped to think, realizing that must be true.

Suoh had liked training as a Takamura because he had found the moves beautiful. He had liked how graceful, precise, stealthy, purposeful they were. It was like playing spy, playing darts, running and jumping around, being quicker than the weapons he evaded, cleverer than his opponents.

He'd only stopped enjoying it when it had been imposed on him as a duty. When degrading submission had entered the definition of what it meant to be a Takamura. When he'd become afraid of his fate. When succeeding in pleasing his mother had seemed no longer possible.

If the circus could lead him back to liking the various ways his body could move, he was definitely on the right track.

And so it was that, on the next representation, Nokoru watched his friend soar across the stage from trapeze to trapeze, incarnating the ever-renewed phoenix that flew above flames that never destroyed it, and transforming movement into beauty.


	7. Shock

Chapter 7 - Shock

Nokoru sighed, chin in hand, unable to read the book in front of his eyes. He still had no idea how to ascertain Suoh's feelings towards him. What was the use of his famed intellect? Had his brain gone on vacation, too? Had it stayed back in Japan?

Not that he'd been bright concerning Suoh when he was in Japan, either.

Maybe he was a genius concerning academic performances and all that, but not where his favourite Suoh was concerned.

He sighed again.

\- Why all the drama, Senpai?" Came Suoh's amused voice.

Nokoru got up and went to where Suoh was just finishing wiping the dishes. He wanted to answer "I can't manage to find out why you are so drop-down handsome" or something. But that would let the cat out of the bag. Great, hiding his feelings even meant letting go of perfect opportunities of making Suoh redden.

But Nokoru's thoughts never went further along that way, because just then, Suoh covered his lips in a soft first kiss. Then smiled at him with serene golden eyes.

Nokoru petrified. If he'd been holding anything he'd have dropped it.

\- What… what…" he stuttered.

Suoh loved him. Suoh had just kissed him. What a relief.

He felt dizzy.

Wait. He _truly_ felt dizzy. And not very well.

\- Nokoru, what is wrong?" Asked an alarmed Suoh, using his first name for the first time.

Nokoru crumpled to his knees, feeling like his most basic energy was draining out of him fast. A moment later, Suoh was supporting him by the shoulders, holding a glass of cold water to his lips. Not surprisingly, Suoh had been quick to react.

Nokoru drank the water, and felt some life coming back into his body. He wanted to scold himself. This wasn't the moment to feel faint and queasy!

He did feel a bit like throwing up, he realized. What was _wrong_ with him?

\- Oh, Suoh," He whined, "I'm so happy I feel siiiiiick!"

At least Suoh would be reassured his reaction wasn't one of disgust at being kissed by a boy.

His head still spinning and his heart in his throat, he felt Suoh lift him gently and drop him on his bed.

Nokoru lay back, wishing he could stop seeing flashes of light and just concentrate on his happiness, all the while knowing it was precisely his attempts at contemplating the truth that made him unable to cope.

\- No, on your side, Nokoru, in case you throw up. Here, I am putting the paper basket near the bed.

\- Thanks," he groaned.

Suoh then placed cushions under his feet in order to send blood down to his blanched face.

Nokoru sighed philosophically. All this was _so_ unromantic.

\- Suoh," He called piteously.

Suoh knelt by his head, caressing his cheek softly.

\- I say, Nokoru, next time I declare to someone I will be careful to throw plenty of _very_ obvious hints beforehand. I wanted to surprise you, not make you almost faint.

\- _Don't _declare to someone else!" Nokoru protested in alarm.

\- I was joking, Nokoru," Suoh said tenderly.

\- Say my name again," Nokoru asked, feeling like a sick kid requesting story after story, all for the sake of feeling spoiled and petted.

\- Nokoru. Nokoru. I like your name.

\- Because it means "to stay"? Of course I'll stay with you. As long as you want me to.

\- That will be a long time, then.

\- That suits me. They say "forever is a very long time", don't they?

\- Nokoru!" Suoh chided. "You are a caution even on your sickbed."

\- When there's no risk of me throwing up all over you, you'll kiss me again?

\- Yes.

\- And again?

\- Yes.

\- And I can kiss you, too?

\- Yes, again and again.

\- 'M sleepy.

\- Do not fall asleep," Suoh warned. "You could lose consciousness."

\- Then you can kiss me awake like Sleeping Beauty. Or was it Snow White?

\- No way. If the first kiss made you faint, the second might give you a heart attack.

Nokoru stuck out his tongue at him.

\- That is right. Stay awake.

\- How many nurses flirt with their patient to keep them conscious?

\- Do not start imagining me in a nurse's uniform, anyway. I may be gay but I am _not_ into cross-dressing.

\- Really? And what about that time you saved me from the pool?

\- That was to help you out. I'd parade as a drag queen to help you out.

\- Oh? I'd like to see that.

\- Do not get your hopes up. There is little risk that kidnappers would be mollified by my rendition of a drag queen.

\- Hey," Nokoru realized. "I feel better."

\- I should hope so. Nonsense always perks you up. But stay like that for a while, or you will make your head dizzy again.

\- Say, Suoh," Nokoru asked, serious now, "do you truly love me?"

\- Of course. I thought you understood that. I am not the kind to kiss without love.

\- I love you, too.

Suoh's features softened in a smile. Nokoru went on:

\- How long have you known you loved me?

\- Since I was about ten, I think.

\- WHAAAAT?

Nokoru would have sat up suddenly hadn't Suoh held him down.

\- Nokoru, be reasonable!

\- But that's outrageous. I only realized just before we left for the trip! And since when have you guessed I loved you?

\- Well, that came progressively, but you are easy enough to read. I think what gave me the first big clue was your sudden question about what gender I was attracted to.

\- I tried and tried to guess your feelings, and couldn't! It's not fair!

\- That could be because I loved you constantly, Nokoru, so there was nothing new for you to detect. Whereas you changed. You used to place most of your attention on women, so I felt sure enough you could not care for me. But here we have been living together in this flat, and I realized your attention was on me.

Nokoru sat up slowly, careful not to make himself dizzy. He seemed to be okay. He looked seriously into his friend's eyes.

\- Suoh, even before I came to understand I loved you, I did care about you and Akira. I'm sorry I didn't show it better, letting you be trampled by the fangirls and solve their cases. I never thought it'd give you the idea you didn't matter at least as much as them in my eyes.

He took Suoh's hand and kissed it the way a gentleman kisses a lady's, making his friend squirm in embarrassment:

\- And you, Suoh, are special. There is no one like you. If I lost you my life would seem empty…

Great, he was almost making himself cry by imagining things. But he was feeling well, now.

\- There seems to be nothing but crappy clichés to express one's love with, does it?" He concluded half-dejectedly, yet feeling so elated and relieved he didn't care much how crappy a cliché could be.

Suoh smiled.

\- Say it with a kiss, then.

And Nokoru did.


	8. Love and Indifference

Chapter 8 - Love and Indifference

They'd got mail, and after Nokoru handed over Akira's package to Suoh to let him have the fun of opening it, he sullenly read through a letter from Suoh's mother.

Garbage, as usual.

At first, Suoh used to read his mother's letters himself, but he'd get depressed every time. Not that the contents were nasty, but there was no word of concern for Suoh or affection in them, only lengthy, detailed reminders to keep training as usual and watch over his charge as a Takamura should. They were practically a training program. You could almost hear a cold, nearly-scolding voice dictating instructions when reading them. It brought the pressure back and did no good, so very soon Nokoru insisted on going through them himself, promising to pass on to Suoh any news worth telling.

Up to now, there hadn't been much, and most of the time Nokoru said nothing at all after having read a letter. And it usually took a lollipop from Akira's package to perk up his mood again.

Why was Takamura-san so _blind_? Did she truly dislike her son? But how in the world could anyone not love Suoh?

Nokoru went to Suoh's side of the table and started kissing him, wishing his passion could make up for an indifferent family.

But as soon as Suoh's lips parted, the boy pushed him back, gently. Nokoru looked into his eyes, puzzled. Was Suoh perhaps not in the mood for kisses? Or was Nokoru a lousy kisser?

Suoh smiled, sensing his puzzlement:

\- Nokoru, I do want your kiss, just be careful with French kisses. One of my teeth is kept sharpened, so that I could cut ropes with it if there was need. You could cut your tongue on it.

\- Where is it?

Suoh showed him. How weird, a tooth pointier than a canine where no canine should be. It didn't show when he smiled. But then Suoh's smiles weren't wide toothy ones. In fact, his eyes did most of the smiling, and very efficiently too.

\- If I am careful, can we French kiss?

Suoh nodded.

But now Nokoru was too embarrassed to. He didn't blush half as easily as Suoh did, so it was rather unusual for him to be flustered when Suoh remained composed. Then again, he wasn't used to discussing kisses. They didn't pop up in everyday conversation.

\- But isn't that painful?" He asked. "And don't you cut yourself?"

\- No. It is numbed beforehand. And it is not in a place where I can cut myself easily.

\- And you're not a klutz," Nokoru added, hugging him.

Suoh hugged back.

Nokoru did not tell him his mother's letter was yet another stern one.

Suoh did not tell him the last time he'd cut himself with his tooth was when he got hit by Nokoru's fan.

It all didn't matter.

They were happy.


	9. Little Mermaid

Chapter - Little Mermaid

The circus had on a new show. So, after seeing Suoh as a mesmerizing phoenix, Nokoru had to endure him as the attractive young prince with whom the little mermaid was hopelessly in love.

This whole circus thing was sheer, exquisite torture for Nokoru.

On the one hand, it heightened Suoh's charms to an unbearable extent, the way a diamond is made more sparkling still by being placed on dark, luxurious velvet. Suoh was so darn handsome already. To add splendid costumes and backgrounds, dramatic music and oh-so-heavenly gracious movements to that was dizzying.

On the other hand, it showed Suoh as the partner of lovely women. Whether the mysterious and passionate woman phoenix, or the candid, sad mermaid girl, it made Nokoru squirm to see it.

Not that Suoh was especially good at acting (his performance as Mokona denied _that_). In these kinds of roles, he didn't have to. He was just downright alluring, whether he tried to or not. All his Clamp Campus fangirls knew that well.

Nokoru wasn't the jealous type and he despised jealous behaviour, not mistaking it one moment for a proof of love, as some twisted people claimed it to be. Yet as he watched the show that night, he wished he could be in the little mermaid's place.

Although, if he thought about it, the mermaid's doom was one of unrequited love. He didn't want that. Suoh loved him in real life, wasn't that enough?

It was enough when he wasn't watching the blasted show or thinking about it. For now, Nokoru fervently wished he could exchange his mental faculties for some physical ones, so he could fly along with Suoh, if only just once.

How did Suoh manage to do that? He did seem to be flying. Now one hand gripped the trapeze, now both, now his legs, now he stood on it, now he went soaring across the stage to reach another trapeze, now he caught his partner in a smooth motion, now he sent her flying exactly where she needed to go, now they were holding waists, both of them balancing on the trapeze. It was magic.

Nokoru both hated and loved the trapeze. He figured he was allowed to, since it was a thing. He didn't hate the pretty girl with touching eyes. He even hoped, for her sake, she wasn't getting as dazzled as he. He hoped she was to busy using her muscles and balance and fighting stage fright and rivalries to notice she was being held by the best person in the world.

Nokoru knew, in some rational part of his brain completely contradicted by his emotional side, that not everyone saw Suoh as the best person in the world. Some people did love some other people, after all. Though how they could manage that was beyond him.

When he went backstage to meet his boyfriend, who was absorbed in discussion with a member of the technical team and hadn't changed yet, he tried not to let his mood show. He _was_ glad Suoh was enjoying himself this much, getting back in better physical shape, and feeling consequently less guilty about his lack of martial arts training. This was no time for a jealousy crisis.

\- Congratulations, once again," He said when Suoh had finished talking in English with the other man. "You were great."

But of course, clever Suoh caught on to his fake smile.

\- What is wrong, Nokoru?" He asked kindly.

Everyone else seemed to be gone now, so Nokoru leaned against him, pouting.

\- I wish I could fly, too.

Suoh hugged him. He seemed to be thinking.

\- Well, why not? I asked permission to stay a half-hour or so because there is a move I need to try again. This trapeze is not exactly the same as the one we use in the practice room, and I need to adjust. I am still a novice concerning a lot of things. So we have the stage to ourselves.

\- Ha, ha. Very funny. As if _that_ was what prevented me from becoming some amazing acrobat like you.

Without a word, Suoh lifted him on his shoulder as he would a sack of flour.

\- Hey? What? Suoh-where-are-you-taking-me?

\- Up there.

\- No way! No way no way no way!

But it was useless: Suoh was climbing the crazy narrow ladder nimbly, almost as if he wasn't carrying someone else.

\- I'll DIIIIIIIIE!" Nokoru protested.

\- There are nets, Nokoru. And I'll make sure you land safely.

Nokoru felt like crying, screaming and laughing hysterically, and since he didn't know which one to do first, he remained silent.

He did not make the mistake of looking down, yet he felt himself trembling.

Come on, he tried to tell himself. He wasn't particularly afraid of heights, and Suoh knew that. He could even use a deltaplane.

But a deltaplane had wings. He didn't. And he wasn't rescuing a damsel in distress, either. And there was no way his feeble arms could hold on to a trapeze bar.

Don't-look-down-don't-look-down-don't-look-down.

WHOOOSH. They had apparently reached the top, and Suoh had launched, evidently holding on to the bar with one hand. How Suoh could make that movement smooth rather than wobbly he didn't know. Did he dare open his eyes?

\- You just raise your arms when you see me coming towards you," Suoh instructed him before Nokoru landed with a soft thud.

Well, he had to open his eyes, now.

He was sitting on the platform representing a rock jutting from the sea, and Suoh had already flown away.

The height was dizzying, but at least he was on some solid surface.

It felt so special, being inside the stage. The shimmering lights representing the sea wavered below him. The rock looked tacky, seen up close. He could see the trampolines way down, under the netting. A ship mast with torn sails towered near, and behind him was hung the white painted castle against a stormy background. There was no music, but his loud heartbeats would have covered it anyway.

Suoh had changed to another trapeze and was still flying around, practicing whatever he needed to, in his simple costume of black leggings and stylish white shirt, quite a contrast to the plumed, fiery phoenix costume, but all the more efficient in its sobriety, making Suoh look like the most touching, boyish, handsome young prince.

_His_ prince.

Nokoru stood up. He was the mermaid, then, just as he'd wished.

But his love wasn't unrequited. They were turning the dramatic fairytale into a happy-ending story.

Suoh went flying towards him, holding to the bar with his bended legs, his arms dangling down in the air.

Nokoru lifted his own.

And soon they were flying in one fluid motion, all across the stage, in what was the most exhilarating, scary moment of Nokoru's life.

And when the pendulum motion sent them back, Suoh let go of the bar, flipped through the air, seized Nokoru's waist, and made both of them land on their back on the net.

They stayed like that a moment, Suoh trying not to pant from his exertions, and Nokoru trying to keep his fast-beating heart inside his breast.

It smelled of sweat and make-up.

\- That was wonderful," He finally gasped.

Suoh smiled happily, then carried Nokoru safely down again.

But although Nokoru held on to him tightly, he wasn't even afraid anymore.


End file.
